Diaries Of a Dirty Open Mic-er - Sept

Recently, on comedy forums, there's been a lot of talk about people not getting booked for certain gigs. While there's definitely some politics in this hellscape of a scene, it surprised me when I first entered the world of stand-up comedy. I thought we all shared the same goal: to make people laugh. But I quickly realized that’s not always the case. The goal is to make people laugh, sure, but only if I’m the one doing it, in my way—not someone else.

This makes sense, though. Comedy is a pure form of self-expression. But complaining that you aren’t getting gigs from certain places or people doesn’t help you at all. It’s a famine mentality, thinking there are only a limited number of gigs out there. In reality, there are tons of gigs happening every week—you just need to be willing to travel for them. If you’re not willing to travel but still want to make comedy your full-time gig, good luck!

Traveling is great for comedians because it exposes you to different audiences. You can really test if your material is good or if you're just making your friends laugh. Or maybe your material is solid, but it just doesn’t resonate with your local crowd for whatever reason. If you're getting lukewarm responses in other places, it might be time to reassess your material. Consider seeking feedback, or hiring a good comedy writer for lessons. It’s an easy fix, but delusion? There’s no cure for that, at least none I’ve seen.

No one owes you anything in comedy, and everyone’s a critic. You might kill with audiences but not with other comics, or vice versa. Personally, I think it's easier to deal with not winning over other comics. Earning the respect of your peers is nice, even if it’s the audience you’re ultimately trying to entertain. The bottom line is: complaining about not getting booked is off-putting. You end up looking like a baby 80% of the time. Sure, 20% of the time you might have a valid complaint, but even then, remember—nobody owes you a thing! As Jimmy Carr says, “Do more, expect less.”

Now that that rant’s over (mostly), I actually think the open mic circuit is a pretty nice place to be. It's filled with lovely people, all with opinions—though those opinions should be taken with a grain of salt. If you’re taking advice on comedy, make sure it’s from someone further along than you. That requires some self-awareness, but once you know where you stand, you can go from there.

September Recap:

I usually start by counting my gigs each month, and I tend to pick up a few extra as I go. But honestly, I’ve been putting off writing this. This month I was booked for 10 gigs, which is a medium month for me. I would’ve preferred a few more, though. I’ve been writing like a madman, but the fact that none of it seems good has driven me madder.

On a positive note, I’ve started doing more paid middle spots at pro gigs, which feels like progress. Soon, I’ll have to rename this blog because I won’t be a “dirty, filthy, stinking open-mic-er” anymore.

Gig Highlights:

Lymington Gig: I did my first 20-minute headliner spot!!! I was so excited, and it went so well it was hard to believe. I had a lot of fun at a brilliant night held in a Prezzo’s. It was actually a great room for it, and the audience was very lovely about it. I’ll give my performance a 7.6/10.

Bognor Gig: This was a Mirth gig. This was a tougher gig; everybody struggled this night except the headliner, who honestly blew the roof off the entire place and made it look easy. You’ll see who it is in the kiss-ass section. It was a sight to behold. My personal performance: 5.2/10.

Museum of Comedy: Went to do a competition, didn’t get through. It went well, I just didn’t get through. It happens. It was great to see some new acts there though. Some of them did incredibly well. Performance: 6.6/10.

The Snug: Went incredibly well! Everybody had an excellent time, the crowd was lovely. I had a good gig MC’ing. I don’t think I’ll rate my performance as an MC. I dunno why; I just don’t fancy it.

Yeovil: Went well! New material night that I got paid for. The crowd was very nice there, and I got a free burger too! I felt bad for doing newer material honestly, being treated so well, but it was loads of fun though, and plenty of talk about fisting. Performance: 6.6/10.

Muddy Waters: Lovely new gig in Winchester to a packed room. Tried a few newer jokes that didn’t go too well, but the audience was very nice and young! Which anybody reading this that does comedy will know isn’t that common for a paying crowd. For free shows, yeah, sure, students and young people galore. Anything over £1.50, we are left to entertain the middle-aged middle class.

Belgium and Blues: Wonderful crowd! Really lovely crowd. I had a good night MC’ing again. Once more, I think I won’t rate it, but it was fun, and it was good, and it went well.

The Snug (again):  Really great night with an excellent crowd. My MC’ing left something to be desired. Anybody that did desire it should be sectioned because they are clearly extremely mentally ill.

Wokingham Mirth Gig: Performed for six people and a dog. It’s been a while since I’ve done a gig this small, but I’m glad it happened. It was intimate, and everyone was engaged. Performance: 7.2/10.

Christchurch Mirth: Last-minute gig to a packed, up-for-it room, and it was lovely. All the comedians did well, and we all had a great time! I did well. It was very much a performance of two halves. The first half was crushed into fine dust—dust so thin that if you saw the dust, you’d think, "Ahhh, that’s thin." The other half was a bit pongy! Because I had gotten their good graces from the first half of my performance, they allowed me leeway with my second half, thankfully. After some quick maths, I’d put it at a 5/10.

As for these ratings, they’re just based on memory and feeling. There’s no "best I could have done in that room" metric, just how loud the laughs were. That said, being on stage can distort your perception. I know comics who think they’re getting standing ovations when, in reality, you could hear a pin drop.

Comedy really is about chasing the dragon. After one amazing gig, that’s what you want every time. For me, anything less than that feels disappointing. And even when I have a good gig, I always reflect on what I could have done better.

Kiss Ass Section:

Here is the section where I kiss ass—it’s pretty self-explanatory. It’s for comedians I gigged with who I thought were superb on the night. It can be tough to gauge on the open mic scene because I’ve seen so many people do their jokes that you become numb to what they’re saying and don’t rate them as highly as if you’d seen them from out of town. So, to anybody that might wonder why they aren’t on here… get over it, this means nothing!

Alan Francis: This guy again just blew the roof off in Bognor at a gig called the laughing George! It was a difficult evening for everybody involved we all tried hard and did just ok. This bloke comes on and absolutely fucking smashes it out of the park! Ive been talking about it to people ever since that’s how amazing it was to witness for me. Im sure people just think im trying to seem cool by saying I giged with a guy that does this full time. Im really not! It was a sight to behold

Salma Lyons: Got through in the comedy comp at the Museum of Comedy. She was brilliant and deserved to advance. Can’t complain about losing when someone outperforms you!

Darcy Moreland: Hilarious at the same comp as Salma, didn’t get through but was certainly on my list to go through. But then im not a judge so who cares what I think. His style is Shane Gillis-esk in the way that he holds himself and delivers his material. Which is a very big compliment as I think Shane is hilarious too.

Dani Johns: Ive gigged for her a few times at her place in Bristol that honestly I usually bomb at, but never been lucky enough to see her perform her actual material. Well one time at a festival but I was too busy getting drunk. She crushed the room in yovile with an excellent 20 minutes of material another person who doesn’t really need my endorsement but I think is great!

Thomas Glover: MC’d the same gig Miss Johns was on, and had the crowd eating out of his hand. Runs a great night—highly recommend.

John Newton: Again, a bloke that needs no praise from me, but he was top class! He had one joke that was pure genius about his friend being buried level that I won’t ruin for anybody on here because I wouldn’t do it justice. That’s not to take away from the rest of his jokes, which were all also top class!

That’s it for this month’s blog! If you didn’t like the read, why did you get this far? You should’ve known the tone after a paragraph. That’s on you, silly goose!

Cya!