Diaries of a Dirty Open Mic-er - June

Here we are once again, living the life of a dirty open mic-er. Living the dream, wishing it would all end so that I could get to the next level of comedy and be paid for the time spent running, driving everywhere, and arriving home past midnight to get up at 6 for work the next day.

I have painted a pretty bleak picture there. It is amazing; I get to travel, which is something I love, and I get to make people laugh (sometimes), which I also love to do. It’s the only thing I really loved when I was at school, and it turned out to be the only thing I was good at. Well, school was a long time ago now. Rather than funny, I might have just been an annoying prick, but rose-tinted glasses and all that.

Teachers disagreed with that estimation and said I was disruptive. What a way to disrupt a class, though, by making them laugh. If I were in America, I would be disrupting the class with machine gun fire. I probably wouldn’t even get detention. They’d try to detain me, but I’d have killed myself before they could get there most likely.

That went pretty morbid, didn’t it? Probably because I’m writing this off the back of a not-so-great gig. Anyway, as always, I’ll speak about gigs and people that I thought were good. That’s the drill for this blog.

One comedian told me it was “relatable,” which was nice. To know that somebody actually read it all the way through because, looking at the stats, not many people do. It looks as though blogging is a dead art. However, rather than blame the art of blogging, it could just be that I’m a shit blogger and not interesting enough for people to finish reading what I have to say. Which I 100% agree with! In fact, I recommend not reading past this point.

Although I’m an idiot… you don’t want to take the recommendation of an idiot, do you? Best keep reading then, against my recommendation, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

9 gigs this month –

Slow month this month with a work-in-progress show (WIP). I am not ready, nor do I believe I’ll be ready, but baptism by fire is how I started this journey, and in the fire, I will remain until I’m nothing but ash and bone.

The Swan – Small crowd this evening, nothing wrong with that. If you have read any of the previous blogs, you’ll know a small crowd can be great, and this crowd was very lovely and honest. Did some older stuff that worked, some newer stuff that worked, and some really new stuff that just didn’t work, which is always strange when you think it is the best work you’ve ever done, and people just don’t like it. I was weirdly nervous this evening. The jokes were okay for a lot of it, but the performance wasn’t there. I’m by no means a high-energy comedian, but I was flat and tired this evening, which could work in some circumstances for the correct comic. I was not the correct comic.

Big Squash Comedy – Quiet night for Big Squash Comedy, which is fine. Again, we always make the most out of the cards we are dealt. It was a good opportunity to chat with the audience and try crowd work. Crowds are less scary when there are only a few people in them. And some new jokes, which went down better than the old jokes, which is always concerning but nevertheless a win.

Follow Comedy Club – As ever, an absolutely lovely room set up nicely by Joe Marchent and his lovely girlfriend! Went up and did my usual opening lines, which help me get a laugh and, in turn, help me relax into the set. Almost like if I get them to laugh once, at least I don’t have to go home an absolute failure if nothing else works. They didn’t work! Which was fine, actually. I powered through and had a really good gig! Sometimes it’s easy to rely on stuff that works too much. I mean, it is good practice, especially when you’re doing new stuff, to do a sandwich. If you’re a pro, you can do something else, I guess, but the new material sandwich where you do some old, some new, and finish on some old is a good way of setting it up.

Wokingham – Cruuuuuuuushhhhhhhedddddd it!!! Great gig put together in Wokingham. Crowd up for it, lovely setup, Friday night gig! All out especially for the comedy. What’s not to like.

Brighton Cabaret Labs – Lovely evening. Started slow with crowd work with an impressive specimen of a man who looked like a Viking. Managed to win them over towards the end! Really enjoyed the evening. First time I’d seen burlesque dancing; brilliant performance. Personally, I think it’s always an enjoyable experience seeing a woman being sexy and sensual to the medium of dance.

The Snug – Sighhhhhhhhhhhh This was a tough old night for most people involved, to be fair. Really struggled to get the room going. Felt bad for the acts; they all did very well! I just failed to inject any energy into the room as the master of ceremonies. The audience did laugh and they did enjoy it, but you always want more. Even when the roof is literally flying off of the place! It’s like maybe I could make these people die? Maybe, just maybe… then I would be enough? On to the next!

Chandlers Ford – Great gig… Crushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhed it. Lovely venue, great crowd, felt good!

Cool Aid Comedy Brighton – A good room of people at Cool Aid Comedy this evening. My opening joke started with promise and then quickly killed the room. Nevertheless, I soldiered on through and got some good laughs, mainly at just how bad my jokes were. Poor performance on my side, but the crowd was very lovely!

Barking Toad – CCCCCCCRRRRRRRRUUUUUUSSSSSHHHHHEEEEEDDDDDDD it. Mostly older stuff. I didn’t use to celebrate my wins, but it’s important I do because I give myself such a hard time when I have a bad gig. There has to be some upside to it! So as I said… CCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSHHHHHHEDDDDD it.

The Swan – Went okay except for the material. Tried to do some new stuff, had it written down, looked at it, and instantly lost faith in the material. Tried a few bits that didn’t work but had a good back and forth with the audience. Wasn’t good, but I take little wins. I have to; otherwise, I’d have quit already!

Belgium and Blues – It was an unbelievable evening. Everybody on the bill did well. I was happy with my MCing efforts. I’m not the best MC or comedian, to be honest with you, but it was a great night with an excellent room! Everybody did great.

The Snug – Had a bit of a run around for this gig this evening. One of the issues you run into as a promoter is that it was fully booked, but because of the beautiful weather and the gig being free, people find it easy not to show up. That said, the people that were there were very nice. They made me really work for it, and it was a toughie, but it was a goodie.

Plymouth Mirth – Such a strange gig. I did well and was happy with the performance, but it was weird. The audience kept talking to me and throwing me off the rhythm of the joke. It still went well because when I did manage to get a joke out, it was often met with a round of applause. Not sure if that was for the joke or just them knowing how difficult it must have been for me to make it to the end of a sentence. Still a fun gig!

Cambridge Mirth – A nice gig. I followed a musical act and a bunch of people that wouldn’t stop talking, which the entire place hated by the break. It went well. Had to come in with energy. I’d say I doubled down on a couple of jokes that didn’t need it as they already had a laugh. Good times all around, though.

4 Horsemen – Went well, did some new stuff there in front of a small crowd, and they seemed to enjoy themselves. It was a lovely night at the Horsemen as usual.

That concludes my month of gigging… you bored yet? Because this is all it is. Me talking about if I enjoyed it, if I did well, or if I did poorly. You can’t even take my word for it, to be honest, because I’m heavily delusional. Closing thoughts - That was more than 9 gigs wasn't it. it was originally 9 but i got offered some more so i took them. yayyyy was more like 13. around 3 a week which is a good amount of stage time. You can do that in a city easy, some city gigs do not have a good audience though, in my experience you end are performing to a bunch of comedians that are just thinking about their own set. you could probably do a gig every night of the month in London but quality will vary. that said it is good to have small crowds and tough crowds in my opinion. teaches you to work a crowd, if you dont know how to work a crowd and eventually you have to then it'll be a shit night for you and the crowd..

Kiss Arse Section

The Kiss Arse section is dedicated to comics that I have seen during my gigging that I think have been great in the 5-10 minutes that I have seen them on stage. There are no rules to it. If I enjoyed the performance, I will kiss their arse.

Pete Kinsella – Seen Pete a few times and always find his stuff very well-written, interesting, and funny. A mixture of thought-provoking and silly. I really enjoyed his performance this evening. Also, an interesting fact about Pete is that he shaves his legs. Ask him next time you see him.

Calum Brenen – Absolutely crushed the room with his delivery and self-deprecation about his disability. He is visually impaired; he’s actually blind, but due to the vernacular of the world, that seems to feel a little harsh even though it is exactly what he is. Well, not exactly what he is; I’m sure he has more to his personality than being blind even if you can’t see it (da dum tss). It’s not the first time I’ve seen him do brilliantly. I could have mentioned him in the past on this. Then again, it doesn’t really matter because this review section of the blog doesn’t mean anything, or at least it shouldn’t. If people decide it does, that’s on you! Along with other jokes about his sexuality, he had an excellent night, which is pretty commonplace for him from what I’ve seen.

Joe Merchant – Lovely bloke and a brilliant host, great at getting the crowd going, having conversations with them all, and linking them together, remembering names. It sounds easy, but when you ask six people's names in about 15 seconds and remember them all night, that’s way beyond my mental capacity! Not only that, he also has brilliant material that he brings out, making people wonder what they always wonder about any good MC: “Why don’t you give stand-up a go, Joe?”

Ryan Murphy – I write this with hatred running through every cell in my body. It’s just oozing out of me like a milky discharge from the tip of a chlamydia-infested penis, but what’s right is right. Even though he is a personal frenemy of mine, he crushed the room. It was fluid and actually quite beautiful! The audience agreed. Not to the point of applause mid-set, but enough to get a couple of good laughs.

David Ingram – He opened the night and I thought he was brilliant. He had excellent jokes about LGBT+ and the gay community that I wish I had thought of. Then again, he gets away with it because he is a part of that community. Incredibly funny stuff.

Belgium and Blues – Everybody did great at this gig. All the acts: Jack Bartlett, Jack Clay, Sue Carey, Liam Wilcox, Martin J. Dixon, Glenn Braley, and Shannon Sumfing

I’d like to shine a bit of light on Sue Carey and Martin Dixon, as I thought they were both superb on the evening.

Sue Carey – With her brilliantly written jokes about plastic surgery on finance, had the crowd in an uproar and was just hilarious start to finish.

Martin Dixon – Also has hilarious material about what the “J” in his middle name stands for and how he doesn’t make being gay his whole personality. He is lovely and warm with the audience and speaks to them in a beautiful, friendly way while still being hilarious!

Joe Fortis – Another frenemy. Weird how many of these I have… It’s almost like I’m the problem… nooo, couldn’t be. He had a great set at a tougher gig at the Snug. He is very likable on stage despite the pure filth that comes out of his mouth. Would highly recommend!

That’s it for this month. Until next time, keep laughing and keep supporting live comedy! Hope you enjoyed that if you want you can check out my podcast "Would You Rather"

Cya